THE RAPTURE
August 22nd 2006
the other night, i watched the rapture. i dont know why i watched it all the way through, because it totally felt like one of those church-produced movies, except that the main character, for a long while, might have been an overly-religious nut. check out the movie's tagline:
Rapture (rap'chur) 1. ecstatic joy or delight. 2. a state of extreme sexual ecstasy. 3. the feeling of being transported to another sphere of existence. 4. the experience of being spirited away to Heaven just before the Apocalypse.
yeah, thanks webster. that's a definition, not a tagline. if i wanted to read the dictionary, i'd read the dictionary. probably, i'd be a little better off reading the dictionary instead of watching this movie, anyway. it was just as dry and seemed to go on just as long.
what happens in the movie? Mimi Rogers and Patrick Bauchau like to have sex. and not just normal sex, but, like, group sex . so, when Mimi clocks out of her boring job as an operator sometime in the night, she meets up with Patrick and they scope out couples to bang. but then, Mimi starts hearing about this weirdo cultish christian group who keep "whispering" at totally audible levels about some kid and messages of the end times theyve been seeing in their sandwiches and stuff. one night, while watching Patrick get it on with this one chick, Mimi notices a crazy tattoo that covers the girl's back, and part of the tattoo is a hand holding a pearl.
disrupting all the sex, she nags at the mid-coitus girl until she learns everything about the tattoo there is to learn, including it's chemical composition. armed with knowledge, Mimi tries to impress the Jesus-goons at work with her dream about the pearl that she didnt have, but they're all like "yeah whatever, mimi rogers." so she's like "oh, ok nevermind." also, some traveling bible guys visit her apartment and i think she was going to try to seduce them, but instead she learned about how everyone goes to hell unless they believe that jesus is their saviour.
during all of this, she's also didling Fox Mulder, who has a mullet sort of thing going on, and one time she picks up a self-important hitcher who thinks he's really hardcore, but then she steals his gun and kicks him out of the motel. during her first night with Fox, he confesses that he killed a guy once for 1000 dollars, and that it kind of haunts him. so one night, she kicked him out of bed and decided to go God.
i guess some time passes, i dont know, i left the room for a while. when i came back, she was talking to Fox about god, but Fox is kind of a nihilist, sort of. Mimi convinces him to get married and believe in god anyway, and he says ok, so they have a kid. also, Patrick is like "yo Mimi, where you been?" and mimi is like "eh, im not doing the group sexory, ok bye."
Fox and Mimi have a kid, and some more time passes, and then Fox fires this guy from the business he apparently owns now. Luckily, the guy goes crazy, takes a shotgun and starts killing people. Fox runs up to him and tries to make the guy not crazy, but the guy decides to stay crazed, and he shoots Mulder dead. Mimi is a widow now, but she sticks with the christian cult, and after seeing some pictures of Fox standing in the desert, she decides to go to the desert, too, and wait for the rapture.
days pass, and Mimi is getting bored, and i'm getting more bored, and god isn't showing up, so her and her daughter, who's like, 8 years old, decide to take themselves out. mimi shoots the daughter in the head and buries her in a shallow grave. then she gets arrested for going 100 mph down the highway and confessing to the murder. when she's in jail, she happens to get locked in a cell with tattoo girl, who is reformed and uber-christian now. finally, the rapture happens and Mimi's daughter shows up to take her to heaven, but she decides that she can't be pro-god anymore because god let her kill her daughter. she can't forgive god, so she decides to live on hellish earth forever, orphaning her heavenly daughter and widowing her dead husband.
the end.