LEECHES!
September 5th 2006
this movie is a homoerotic slowmotion-fest. seriously, it runs about 90 minutes, but could be reduced to 20 if they'd stop with the damned slow motion. slow motion guys in underwear, swimming and being all muscly. even the nerdy scientist guy is a GQ model. giant, land-dwelling leeches, mutated by steroids in the shower drain of the men's locker room, slowly attack you and you die.
also, the leeches can apparently teleport, OR maybe be summoned by a sorcerer. you might just be standing there, minding your own business, when suddenly, a strobelight and horde of leeches come from no where to kill you.
the story... story? uh, camera, i guess, follows the members of the swim team. some take steroids, some don't. surprises abound when it turns out that the coach is actually supplying the steroids, but he has to stop because there's an investigation in the works after one of the less good swimmers drowns on land, 50 yards from any source of water. he died by drowning and has leech marks on him, and he has a high blood alcohol level, but he's lying in the grass... (what?) so, the doktor who finds him decides to do a steroid investigation...
godchrist, this sounds even worse now that i write it out...
hand-puppet leeches kill people, but GQ scientist and his girlfriend fight the coach, who ATE A LEECH to gain it's power, then they electrify the pool to kill the remaining leeches. also, their friend who was acting as bait to lure the leeches into the pool, yeah, he died too. because electricity and water don't just kill leeches. it's fatal to humans, too. where's your science now, scientist!?
shocking twist ending: turns out GC science guy made the leeches. it wasn't the steroids after all. apparently he's planning world domination with leeches. leeches!! blah. i need to just stop watching movies.